Letting go... as if...

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When I let go of what I am. I become what I might be.

Hmmm after I posted this quote, then really started thinking about it, I was like “huh?!?! Sounds like crap to me” Who the hell has time to let go?  I get asked often actually (cause I am an OCD, A-type, control freak), what would it look like if I just stopped running the world around me and let go… and the idea of that scares the crap out of me. I grew up in the home of an alcoholic, we walked on egg shells not trying to upset the anyone. I strove not only daily, but by the minute to be perfect, to maintain the precious balance of our slightly broken home. Of course those things trickled over into my adult life, duh! We all carry some amount of baggage from previous experiences, I kinda feel its impossible not to. So as I carry my baggage around, and sometimes act the martyr, oh yes I definitely go there, with the “why me, I don’t understand why things aren’t easier, what did I do to deserve this… and my current favorite, well because it’s the right thing to do” It amazes me how I can talk myself into believing myself. Like I am an expert and can be trusted, hahaha… Actively telling yourself to let go and doing it, whoa what a concept. Again, what does it look like to let go of everything you drag around so that you can become lighter and a better version of you? I just try to practice patience and know that these moments are gone in a flash. I try my hardest to be a good mom, wife, daughter and friend. To remember we all, carry our pain or whatnot in different ways. I want to become a better version of myself, I have the desire to be whatever it is I’m meant to be. Its just the road to getting there is unpaved, bumpy and in parts washed out. I have to trust myself and forgive myself when I don’t get it right. And to quote one of my fav Al-Anon lines, strive for progress, not perfection. Have a wonderful day my friends and I wish you all the best on your journey to a better version of yourself.